From Familiar to Unfamiliar

Well, it has been a little over a week now that I have officially called myself an emptynester.  It still hasn't totally sunk in.  When I get home from work I know someone will be home, but they aren't, or when we are eating dinner someone will run downstairs to eat with us, but they don't.  Or I know in the morning, someone will be sleeping late which is why we haven't seen them yet, but it isn't.

I am still at the stage where I have to actually stop and think where everyone is and grasp my mind on it.  I know at some point it will be normal, but I am not there yet.  I guess the cat has noticed a difference in the house also.  He has been following me around everywhere, even upstairs.  That is not an easy task when you are a 15 year old cat that weighs 29 lbs (yes, that is not a typo).  So I'm not going to lie and say a few tears haven't been shed.  The problem is that between all the kids leaving and going through perimenopause, I don't know which tears are for what. 

I guess what really does help and makes this journey possible to move forward is knowing all the kids are really doing great in their new lifestyles.  Married life is really agreeing with my son and daughter-in-law.  My oldest daughter is flourishing in her new job and the the youngest is still taking some time to get used to college life, but she is really moving in the right direction.

As for me and my husband, we will make it.  The house is a little more quiet now.  I have been able to begin catching up on things I have wanted to do for the past 24 years and guess I can watch all the food shows I want since we don't have to have i carley on.

So for now, the familiar that I once knew has become the unfamiliar to me.  I know eventually this will become the norm and once again soon, what I now know of life will be familiar.  But for now, I wouldn't mind the TV on loud with Spongebob, dishes in the sink, other kids eating our food and multiple shoes and back packs on the floor so I can trip just once more. 

The Last Good Night Hug

This is the night before my youngest leaves for college.  I think I have been doing really well in handling everything.  I haven't cried as much as I thought I would, I have kept really busy, and my daughter has done a great job of being organized and getting everything ready so I haven't had to watch all her belongings being packed away in boxes and suitcases.  Her friends were spending the night and so it was really busy after work since I wanted to make grilled pizza with homemade crust and homemade peanut butter cookies.  I thought it was to make a really nice dinner.  As I have come to learn tonight being honest with myself, it was to keep myself very busy and act as if it was any other Tuesday night (okay, I usually don't make homemade pizza crust on Tuesday nights).  Face it, I have been in denial.  The reality was, in less than 12 hours she was leaving for college.  So what I thought was just a regular night after work making dinner and cleaning up was just a way to not think about tommorrow.  I think her friends spending the night was not only for my daughter, but for me.  It is a reminder of normal as I have known it for all these years, laughter, kids and food.  But then it happened, and I don't think either of us expected it.  It was really pretty innocent.  I just told my daughter I wanted to give her a hug before bed in case I don't see her since she and the girls were watching a movie.  So I gave her what I thought was a simple hug and then I lost it. Yes, and then she lost it...which made me lose it even more.  I felt guilty for a minute for making her cry. But I don't think I made her cry.   I think she might of been having the same feelings I have had and also trying to disguise them.  I think we were both trying to be strong for the other and our our real emotions finally came out.  I told her I was really happy for her and excited for the journey she was about to embark on.  But it was going to be different now.  I won't get that hug before bed again.  From now on our good nights will be through text,  an e-mail or if I figure it out...skype.  I know it will get easier and we will all get used to our "new" life, but now my heart is sad.  I will forever remember my last good night hug!

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray!  You'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away!  XOXO

The Dress Rehersal

I can't believe how much time has gone by since I last wrote.  I think I got everything out of my system by writing about it, felt better and then went into denial mode that anyone was really leaving.  But this weekend I got a glimpse into the world of becoming an empty nest mom. I guess you would call this our "practice" weekend on life with no kids at home.

So the two oldest kids are now gone (I will post later about those experiences).  This was the youngest last summer at home before leaving for college.  Time has really gone quickly, but I thought I had her home for another two weeks.  She decided to visit her brother and new sister-in-law (who now live about 2 1/2 hours away) for three days before she leaves for college.  I am so happy that they are all so close and get along so well, but three days... now...isn't this my time still to get her all to myself?! Anyway, my son and his wife were at an event in town by us so we planned on meeting at a McDonald's on the way back to their house to drop my daughter off so she could go home with them.  We went in to get some ice cream before everyone departed and I could not even eat anything (shocker since McDonald's 49 cent cones are a favorite treat that I splurge on).  I had such a pit in my stomach.  This would be the first of many times I would be saying good bye to her.    We got all the pillows, blankets and overnight gear into my sons car so they could take off for their ride ahead.  My husband and I both were sitting in our car watching them drive off, until we couldn't see their car anymore.  It was a quiet ride going home for us.  It hit me that this is what it was going to be like soon.  Dropping her off at college and always saying good bye.  I think it hit my husband too!  And as he said, my tears might be on the outside, but his are also there, only on the inside.  I wonder if they will be inside tears when this is not the dress rehersal of seeing our youngest child leave?