The New Kitchen Sink

Well it has been a few months since everyone has started their new lives.  I can't believe how fast time has gone.  And so far I haven't been on the couch sitting in the fetus position crying.  Now, don't get me wrong, I miss everyone terribly, but I am starting to realize, it will never be the same.  Even when they come home, the dynamics are different.

It does help that we see at least one child a weekend.  And I do talk to them (okay the girls) a lot (my son feels that talking for 30 seconds once or twice a week should be enough.  Glad to see things haven't changed with him)!  This is nice since we can focus our attention on them each individually.

Okay, so the biggest change in these past three months...well that has been in the sink!  Yea, the sink. No we didn't get a new one, even though it feels as if we did.   I just have not seen it for the past 24 years.  You see, it has been filled with dirty dishes at all times.  Even when the rest of the house may have had a day when it was clean (okay, maybe not a day, but a few hours) I could never get caught up on the dishes.  That dishwasher was always running trying to keep up with the demand.  In fact, in the ten years we have lived here, we are already on our third dishwasher (if I did my math correctly, that means we have bought a new dishwasher every 3 1/3 years.  Dishwashers have at least a 12 year life span according to consumer reports.

So the sink is white ceramic.  Who knew.  I have not seen the bottom in years.  But with just me and the hubby living here and working during the day, there are not a lot of dishes that accumulate in one day. With the few days that I cook and my occasional baking, the dishwasher has not been neglected...but wow, I love coming home, walking in the kitchen and seeing our "new" kitchen sink!

An Ode To The Silver Mini Van

It began 10 years ago.  We just moved to Indiana.  We finally were settled in our home and the kids had their friends and schools in order.  It was time to figure out the best car to get for our family.  We decided on a Honda mini van, knowing how safe and dependable of a car it was to transport our family.  There were no special bells and whistles to it...I didn't even like the color.  But I knew it would get the kids and all their frientds to soccer and back, take the girl scout troup camping and all the other functions we were involved in for the next few years.  It also safely got us to all our family vacations we went on.  Then, we had teenagers and as my husband did with each child, he took them to the middle school and that is where they each had their first experience behind the wheel of a car.  Each of them learned to drive in that silver Honda mini van.  And with each new driver in our house, I had to give up sole ownership of the car and share it with the current  new driver.  It had bumps and bangs and even a broken back window, but it was always reliable for us. 

Usually we would sell our cars before they have too much mileage on them, but the economy pushed our decision back for a few years more.  So, we had to get more use out of the mini van than expected.  Now it was used for taking kids to college, moving to apartments and anything else we needed.  We started with one college sticker on the bumper then another proudly displaying our kids schools.   In all those years, it never broke down and got us safely to every location we had to go to whether it was stuffed to the brim where we couldn't move or traveling by myself to work and back.  And toward the end, it actually became the youngest's car.  My husband was so generous in getting me a more sporty car now that we had older kids that I didn't need to drive a mini van anymore.
And I knew this day was coming.  The day we would have to sell the van. The mommobile, as it was fondly referred to.   It was no longer necessary.  I had a new car, the older two kids had theirs and the youngest was going to college and couldn't take a car.  We had it parked in front of the house for a few weeks, but knew it was not neccessary anymore.  It served it's purpose.  It was getting past its prime and we had to move on.  So we sold the car.  Before it was gone I was out there taking pictures like it was my first born child.  It sounds so funny, but that car had so many memories attached to it.  Now don't get me wrong, I do love my more sporty, hip car, but when I see a Honda Odyysey mini van go by on the road, It does bring a smile to my face and I go back in time just for a minute with the memories that were shared in that big silver mini van car.

From Familiar to Unfamiliar

Well, it has been a little over a week now that I have officially called myself an emptynester.  It still hasn't totally sunk in.  When I get home from work I know someone will be home, but they aren't, or when we are eating dinner someone will run downstairs to eat with us, but they don't.  Or I know in the morning, someone will be sleeping late which is why we haven't seen them yet, but it isn't.

I am still at the stage where I have to actually stop and think where everyone is and grasp my mind on it.  I know at some point it will be normal, but I am not there yet.  I guess the cat has noticed a difference in the house also.  He has been following me around everywhere, even upstairs.  That is not an easy task when you are a 15 year old cat that weighs 29 lbs (yes, that is not a typo).  So I'm not going to lie and say a few tears haven't been shed.  The problem is that between all the kids leaving and going through perimenopause, I don't know which tears are for what. 

I guess what really does help and makes this journey possible to move forward is knowing all the kids are really doing great in their new lifestyles.  Married life is really agreeing with my son and daughter-in-law.  My oldest daughter is flourishing in her new job and the the youngest is still taking some time to get used to college life, but she is really moving in the right direction.

As for me and my husband, we will make it.  The house is a little more quiet now.  I have been able to begin catching up on things I have wanted to do for the past 24 years and guess I can watch all the food shows I want since we don't have to have i carley on.

So for now, the familiar that I once knew has become the unfamiliar to me.  I know eventually this will become the norm and once again soon, what I now know of life will be familiar.  But for now, I wouldn't mind the TV on loud with Spongebob, dishes in the sink, other kids eating our food and multiple shoes and back packs on the floor so I can trip just once more. 

The Last Good Night Hug

This is the night before my youngest leaves for college.  I think I have been doing really well in handling everything.  I haven't cried as much as I thought I would, I have kept really busy, and my daughter has done a great job of being organized and getting everything ready so I haven't had to watch all her belongings being packed away in boxes and suitcases.  Her friends were spending the night and so it was really busy after work since I wanted to make grilled pizza with homemade crust and homemade peanut butter cookies.  I thought it was to make a really nice dinner.  As I have come to learn tonight being honest with myself, it was to keep myself very busy and act as if it was any other Tuesday night (okay, I usually don't make homemade pizza crust on Tuesday nights).  Face it, I have been in denial.  The reality was, in less than 12 hours she was leaving for college.  So what I thought was just a regular night after work making dinner and cleaning up was just a way to not think about tommorrow.  I think her friends spending the night was not only for my daughter, but for me.  It is a reminder of normal as I have known it for all these years, laughter, kids and food.  But then it happened, and I don't think either of us expected it.  It was really pretty innocent.  I just told my daughter I wanted to give her a hug before bed in case I don't see her since she and the girls were watching a movie.  So I gave her what I thought was a simple hug and then I lost it. Yes, and then she lost it...which made me lose it even more.  I felt guilty for a minute for making her cry. But I don't think I made her cry.   I think she might of been having the same feelings I have had and also trying to disguise them.  I think we were both trying to be strong for the other and our our real emotions finally came out.  I told her I was really happy for her and excited for the journey she was about to embark on.  But it was going to be different now.  I won't get that hug before bed again.  From now on our good nights will be through text,  an e-mail or if I figure it out...skype.  I know it will get easier and we will all get used to our "new" life, but now my heart is sad.  I will forever remember my last good night hug!

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray!  You'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away!  XOXO

The Dress Rehersal

I can't believe how much time has gone by since I last wrote.  I think I got everything out of my system by writing about it, felt better and then went into denial mode that anyone was really leaving.  But this weekend I got a glimpse into the world of becoming an empty nest mom. I guess you would call this our "practice" weekend on life with no kids at home.

So the two oldest kids are now gone (I will post later about those experiences).  This was the youngest last summer at home before leaving for college.  Time has really gone quickly, but I thought I had her home for another two weeks.  She decided to visit her brother and new sister-in-law (who now live about 2 1/2 hours away) for three days before she leaves for college.  I am so happy that they are all so close and get along so well, but three days... now...isn't this my time still to get her all to myself?! Anyway, my son and his wife were at an event in town by us so we planned on meeting at a McDonald's on the way back to their house to drop my daughter off so she could go home with them.  We went in to get some ice cream before everyone departed and I could not even eat anything (shocker since McDonald's 49 cent cones are a favorite treat that I splurge on).  I had such a pit in my stomach.  This would be the first of many times I would be saying good bye to her.    We got all the pillows, blankets and overnight gear into my sons car so they could take off for their ride ahead.  My husband and I both were sitting in our car watching them drive off, until we couldn't see their car anymore.  It was a quiet ride going home for us.  It hit me that this is what it was going to be like soon.  Dropping her off at college and always saying good bye.  I think it hit my husband too!  And as he said, my tears might be on the outside, but his are also there, only on the inside.  I wonder if they will be inside tears when this is not the dress rehersal of seeing our youngest child leave?

Women Make the Best of Friends!

In dealing with my upcoming empty nest situation, I thought I would send an e-mail to some of my girlfriends letting them know about my blog to see if anyone was going through what I was.  I can't believe the e-mails I received back with not only advise (travel was the number one suggestion to overcome the sadness of being an empty nester) but stories of what they were also going through.   What I found intersting was that no matter what part of the country they were from (I am lucky to keep in touch with friends in many places since we moved a lot in the past 20 years) their different backgrounds and whether they had one child or 4, most of us were going through the same thing.  Why don't women talk about this more?  We still are so busy taking care of everything else.  We can talk about kids, our jobs, what diet we are on and sometimes even divulge personal information about our husbands, sex and money.  But why haven't we kept in touch with each other more about what is really going on in our lives. Now more than ever, we women need to be there for each other whether it be our friend, neigbor, co-worker, sister or acquaintance and help each other through this very common (as I am finding out) and inevitable time of our life.

In one of my other blogs I was also reflecting on no only becoming an empty nester, but  thinking about the kind of mother I was.  Realizing I was a helicopter mom (okay I admitted it) did I make the right choices in the best interest of my kids, where could I of changed, was I too tough, or not tough enough.  I am always searching the intenet for other women's stories, inspirational quotes or advise they might have on motherhood.  Little did I know, the best advise I got was right in my own back yard...a good friend of mine for more years than I can count (we are way in the double digits) sent me a beatuiful and eloquently written piece of advise that I thought (with her permission) would be an inspiration to others

"As parents, our dreams for our children are that they grow into caring, competent adults.  And you have shown that even "helicopter mom's" can do this.

You have given your children what they have needed, which may not have always been what they have wanted.  The mother that they needed as a toddler was different from the mother that they needed as a teenager. Now the job description changes again as you are now the mother of adults.

The helicopter mom that you were has helped your children to grow into fearless adults. The hovering has helped guide them away from becoming foolish adults.

Your children are fearless enough to give their love to significant others, even when there is a chance that they could get hurt.  They are fearless enough to travel halfway across the country, even though that means leaving their support system (you) behind.  They are fearless enough to go off to school, when they could easily have enjoyed the comforts of home while pursuing their education.

Your job is not over. It is again changing.  Congratulations, your children are fearless."

Thank you Linda -

Trying to Land the Helicopter

It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.  -Ann Landers

We had a terrible ice storm here.  There is still about a 6 inch layer of ice covering the street, sidewalks and grass.  There is no way to safely walk, so I picked up my youngest daughter (okay she is 17) from the bus stop since I didn't think she could walk home by herself with how slippery it was (okay, I knew she could, I was just worried).

Some people might of mentioned in the past 23 years or so that I am what you call a helicpoter mom.  I hover over my children making every decision for them and watching every move so they don't get hurt or make a mistake.  I didnt listen to anything thoses people said.  I was being a good mom.  I mean, I rescued them from situations when they needed it, I made a lot of their decisions for them so they wouldn't do the wrong thing and I helped them with their homework so they would do good...but in my defense, it was was only when they asked for help.

It finally hit me a few years ago that those questioning my helicopter way of parenting, including my husband, might of been right (again, my husband would love to know I think he might of been right).  I have been trying to step back and let them become the independant adults that I had tried to raise.  So maybe I didn't have to cut the crust off of their sandwiches or blow on their hot chocolate so they wouldn't burn their tongue.

Looking back I know I kept them underfoot for me.  The more I did for them, then the more I would be needed.  Now I know that really was selfish on my part.  I know that was not the best way to do things, but everything I did do was with the best intention.  I wanted them always to be happy and not have any problems or wrong decisions in their life.  I thought if I didn't let them out of my site, I could always protect them and they would always be safe. 

I know now, no matter how hard I try everything can't be perfect for them.  They need to make mistakes to learn from them.  And they need to have choices to make and sort it out for themselves.  I now know that is what will make them stronger and confident in themselves.  Thank goodness they had their dad in their life to balance the smothering way that I was

Sometimes I wish I could go back, as I am sure many moms do, and try and correct my mistakes I made with my kids.  But no matter what decisions I made, I made it with the best intentions and always with love.  And thank goodness they were strong enough as they got older to speak for themselves and stand up on their own two feet.

As two of them have become adults and the last almost there, I can see how they turned out.  Maybe I didn't do that bad.  And I have tried very hard to let go now so they can make their own choices and decisions. 

So as we know, we are always trying to improve on our mistakes we have made along the way.  I probably will always be a helicopter mom, but I will do it with the helicopter on the ground looking on and not hovering over.

I still will cut the crusts off their sandwiches though!

Getting Off Topic

Life isn't a destination-it's a journey.  We all come upon unexpected curves and turning points, mountaintops and valleys.  Everything that happens to us shapes who we are becoming.  And in the adventure of each day, we discover the best in ourselves.  -Anonymous

When I began this blog, I thought I would be writing about my kids and my husband.  I was going to write about the upcoming next few months and my concerns for the uncertainty of becoming an empty nest mom.

But somehow I got off topic.  As I started writing, I saw this journey going in another direction.  I was not just thinking of the road that lies ahead for me when all my kids are gone from the nest, but where I have come from to get to this place.  Chronicling my thoughts on becoming an empty nester has now began a personal journey on the life I have had leading up to this.

I have always believed things happen for a reason.  Sometimes you know the reason right away and sometimes it takes years to have your "ah ha" moment.  I am still sorting a lot of things out in my life, still asking why for some events and why not for others.

Probably the single most important event in my life that affected the person I am today is the day my mom died.  It changed me forever and I know I am a different person for it.  I thought life was so unfair that she was taken away from me when I was so young.  I can only hope that by going through that day 26 years ago, it is one of the things that really made me the mom I am today.  I knew not to take anything for granted in life and with my kids.  I enjoyed every stage of their life and never wished time to move quickly...whether is was the terrible two's or the teenage years.   I didn't want to miss any of it.

And the relationship with my kids, especially with my girls, was so important to me because of what I knew I lost.  For every rolling of the eyes I got from my kids, or every disagreement we had, I think they still knew how much they were loved.

That will never change.  No matter how far away they may live or whoever they will be with, they will always be loved in my heart forever!

Do Dads Get Empty Nest Syndrome Too?

Empty Nest
noun
The stage in a family's cycle when the children have grown up and left home to begin their own adult lives.               
 -The American Heritage® New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy

I can't speak for all relationships, but I do think moms and dads both go through this empty nest thing.
I didn't think so at first.  I mean, for years, I was the one worried about the day all the kids would be gone.  What will I do, how will I handle things, How will I react, etc.  My husband, on the other hand, talked about all our plans on traveling to Europe, Africa, longs weekends away, and the money he will save not paying for college, food and clothes.  He also thought about all his free time he will have to do the things he always wanted to, reading more, naps in the afternoon, etc..
I have had many discussions with him about becoming an empty nester and how it is so much harder for me and all of the fears I have about it.  Now don't get me wrong, he loves his kids and has been a great dad, but feels this is now our new life to enjoy together.  Deep down I know he is right (boy would he love to know I admitted he was right with something).  But I went through the physical pain of having the kids.  I was always with them when they were home and I reminded him that when the kids leave,  my job will be over.  I will have to repurpse my life.  When they all leave on Sunday, he will still go back to work on Monday, just as he always has.

And women's emotions are one giant up and down roller coaster. I have been pregnant three times, have had so many periods I can't count, lost weight, gained weight (also more times than I can count) and worried about everyone.  I have cried at every good thing, bad thing and anything in between.  I can't even watch a McDonald's commercial without a tear in my eye.  My kids look at me like I am crazy...My husband looks at me like I am crazy and can't believe this isn't even the worst of it (I'm not in menopause yet).  I blame it on my hormones.  I also explained to my husband that his emotions have been pretty level throughout life.  He might of gained weight and lost weight, worried about some things, but his emotions were always a pretty straight line.  And anyway, men don't show their emotions, and they don't sit around with a beer talking about their "feelings."  His life was pretty set with his job and family planned out.  I have no plans!

With the realization that time is drawing closer to the kids being gone, he's been acting different.  He made plans with our daughter to go away for the weekend alone to spend time with her before she leaves.  He calls them more on his own.  And something unexpected and surprising happend when our son (the first to leave) moved 3 hours away to start a job after college.  We were excited for him, he had a great new job and place to live.  It was hard, but we hugged him tight and left.  I did not even cry on the way home (maybe because I had no tears left).  When we got home, I looked over and my husband had a tear in his eye.  I had never seen anything remotely close to a tear from him in our 29 years of marriage.  I asked him what was going on and he was actually doing a "man cry" (not a sob like a woman).  He said he was going to miss our son and it hit him that he was really gone.  He looked in his bedroom and realized he was the first of three to leave for good.  Now I had to give him the pep talk he had given me so many times when I was sad.  I had to be the strong one now.

I do think dads go through the empty nest thing too.  As is the difference with men and women on everything, we just show our emotions in different ways.  So things are back to normal around here again for the moment, me still counting down the days until I am an empty nester and worrying and him counting down the days on that trip to Europe!

Turning 50: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Not only will I be an empty nester soon with all the emotions that have gone along with that, but I also had to turn 50 (okay it is better than the alternative) at the same time!  That alone came with its own set of fears and questions about my life.  I joined the club about a year ago (okay 1 1/2 years ago now, but who is counting).  I never understood why people would hide their age.  Age never bothered me.  I thought I looked younger than my age.  I mean I had long hair that I styled myself.  People who are older don't have long hair.  I had young kids still living at home and older people don't have kids in elementary school.  And there seemed to be a lot of people always older than me.

Soon I started to notice little things that should of been clues that I might not be as young as I think. Years ago, my youngest daughter asked me why I was "such an older Mommy" than all of her friend's moms.  Some were in fact almost 10 years younger than me.  Okay, that made sense, she was my third and a lot of her friends were first born.  I had to start coloring my hair, but not because it was really gray...I just didn't want it so dark.  Okay, that made sense, I wanted to update my look.   A good friend of mine turned 50.  Okay, well a lot of people have older friends.  The son of one of my friends got married...well she was married really young, and he seemed young to get married.  Another of my friends became a grandmother.  Okay, wait a minute.   I started thinking...these are all the things that happen to your parent's friends.  Not mine.  Wait these were my friends it was happening to.   That must mean I am old enough for those things to happen to me.  I didn't think things would affect me since I was going to grow old gracefully. 

I guess it started to sink in for me that I might not be as young as I think.  I work with a lot of young people ranging in age from 25-50 (the only thing is the 50 somethings are men and they seem to not have their age bother them as much as women).  We were all talking and as some discussion go, some people were swearing.  They looked at me, stopped and said they couldn't swear in front of me because it was like doing that in front of their own mom.  What!  I thought we were all on the same level.  I thought they could relate to me as a co worker, as I did with them.   But they were right.  I could of been all of their moms.  They knew that.  I just couldn't admit to it.

Then my husband approached me to make a party for me.  "For What,"  I thought.  It is only my birthday.  No it is your 50th birthday he reminded me.  I could not even admit to that.  I couldn't even say the word 50!  I could not get it to come out of my mouth.  It just seemed old.  When I saw other people that were 50 I couldn't imagine that is what I was like.  But time was marching on.  I know that they say 30 is the new 20 and 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40...but my body didn't know that.  Things ache now.  My joints need a little extra time in the morning getting out of bed.  I can't eat that snack late at night without it keeping me up all night.  And I have finally admitted that I color my hair because of the gray and not to get a lighter shade of brown. 

So again, it made me ponder over my life, what I have done, what have I accomplished, and what will I do in this role as over 50 empty nester.  Now my husband has broken our life into thirds.  His theory is the first third of life we are young and only have to think of ourselves.  The second third we are now married with children and everything revolves around them.  In this third part of life we can now start thinking of ourselves again and what we want to do, but that then brings me back to the question I began with in the first blog...What will I do with my life now?  And calling this my last third of life seems so final.   

I guess with everything said, there is some good that comes with this part of my life.  I will be able to think of myself soon and do what I have always wanted.  I will be able to do more with my husband.  I do think I have had some experiences in life that can not help me be a teacher to others.

And I hope now I will have time to get to know myself again and really enjoy that last third of life.

Last One Born/Last One to Leave

"There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes." - Art Buchwald

Wow! This is hard.  I can't believe my youngest child...which I still refer to as my baby, will be leaving home soon.  All I did was blink and she grew up. Eighteen years have gone by quicker than I could imagine.  On the surface it doesn't seem that bad.  I mean she is going to college only an hour away.  But with this milestone I carry the most emotions.  This is the last one to leave.  It is also the day I will officially be an empty nester. 

The funny thing is, this reminds me a little of how I felt when she was going to kindergarten.  I remember thinking that I can't believe my baby is going to kindergarten.  How quickly the time went by and most importantly, that she will now see the world and realize there is more than just her mom and dad and the safe and protected environment we tried to create for her (and all our children).  I knew she would meet lots of friends, learn to read and start becoming independent.  That is exactly how I feel about her going to college...she will meet lots of friends, learn new things, and start becoming really independent, only this time she will be far away and living on her own.  She will again learn that there is more than mom and dad that influences her life and that she is now responsible for her own decision.  She will not be in our safe and protected environment anymore.  She will now want to explore the world out there and I won't be able to protect her as I have tried for the past 18 years (okay some people may have called it smothering)  I know you only have your kids for a short while in life to teach them how to become independent and the values and morals you believe in...but are you ever ready?  I mean really ready to let go.  Since time does not stand still, I do not have a choice but to let it happen.  Good or bad, I just know life will be different.  I'll mostly miss our afternoon snacks and talks.  When it was just her and me.  With the energy and excitement she brought home to tell me all about her day.  She might of had her "teenage moods,"  but for some reason from 3:45-4:00 that was such a time of peace and reconnecting between us, that was OUR time.  I will so miss that.  It will now have to be over the phone, or for that matter, a text, if at all.  The only positive that can come out of this is not having the afternoon snack together anymore.  Maybe then I can lose a few pounds, and that would be a good thing.

And most importantly, I know I have to be strong for her too.  I don't want her to have any doubts about her independence or have her think I don't trust her strength and capabilities of moving forward in her life.   I know she will do fine.  She is a lovable person with a warm and caring heart.  She will find she is stronger then she thinks.

Now me on the other hand, I hope my strength comes through in figuring out what comes next.  I guess this will be like my first day of kindergarten!

She Loves Me/She Hates Me

"By the time I realized my mother was right, I had a daughter who thought everything I did was wrong". -Anonymous

Can you have multiple emotions at the same time?  And can they change from minute to minute.  I think this is how my oldest daughter feels about me.  She loves me one minute, and hates me the next.  My guess is because we are so much alike that we are constantly butting heads...and we are so much alike that we have so much in common.  High school was tumultuous but I thought it was just the teenage years.  She went to college and I talked to her more than ever.  We even saw each other a lot.  I thought we were passed all the "stuff."

Two months before she graduated college, she met a boy.  We were really excited and she seemed to be very happy.  Now there are 20,000 students that went to her school.  Mostly within a 250 mile radius.  She happened to meet the one student who was more than 250 miles away...more like 2,500 miles away.  And since he still had another year of college she was going to live at home, work, save money and just go back and forth to be with him.  That is where the, "she hates me" comes in.  She doesn't feel at 23 we should have any say about when she comes in or out.  She's right.  Only thing is she still lives with us.  Well, she has assured me, much to my dismay, that she will be gone by the time she is 24.  She is planning on moving to Arizona with her boyfriend.  Oh and did I mention, that is right after my son gets married and moves with his wife and my other daughter will of left for college. 

My only conciliation to all this is that hopefully, we will be back to the "she loves me" part of our relationship!  But what can I say.  I remember sitting in my parents kitchen in 1981 telling them I was moving from our house in Chicago all the way to Los Angeles to be with my boyfriend (who has now been by husband for 29 years).  I never thought I would be on the other end of that conversation all these years later.  I know she will be fine and she is a hard worker and really lights up when she talks about her boyfriend.  I am just afraid her life will be set up in Arizona and this will not be her "home" anymore.

I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

Stay Focused!

We just went last night to look at a restaurant we want to use for the rehearsal dinner for my son's wedding.  We were limited on our choices because of the distance of the wedding and the various locations the wedding party will be coming from.  We ate dinner at the restaurant, talked to the General Manager, looked at the event space and was really pleased with what we saw.  We loved the ambiance, and the food was great.  I was just skeptical in the beginning since it was a restaurant in a strip mall next to a McDonald's and pizza place.  Well, at least when we walked in the restaurant it was so quaint that I forgot I was able to get a Big Mac next door.

So with that decision of where the rehersal dinner will be taken care of it got me thinking.  With all the out-of-town guests coming in for the wedding, that means there are more meals than just the rehearsal dinner to take care of.  More events to plan.  Now I love entertaining, planning the menus, themes, food and even preparing the dishes.  I think this is where I am going to have to learn to delegate and let go.  I want to be able to live in the moment and enjoy it.  I will not be able to "take care of everyone" like I usually do.  I will have to have other people cook and get trays from the grocery store and have take-out brought in.  This is all new to me.  I don't want to spend all my time cooking and cleaning, but this is what I have always wanted to do for my family and friends.  I hope I can find the balance I will need to enjoy everything.  I just wish it was spread out more in a 3 month time frame and not 3 days. 

Why is it when it rains it pours.  I have not seem some of my family and friends for years.  (The one good thing about that is it must mean there have been no funerals lately, since that is when people seem to get together).  I will get to entertain, visit with friends, enjoy my family, witness my son getting married...all in 72 hours.  Wow.  That sounds exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time.  One other reason my emotions are all over the board, as I have mentioned in past blogs.

I read my horoscope today (I only believe in horoscopes when they pertain to me).  It said "You have some big goals, and you will be able to achieve them only if you stay focused."  STAY FOCUSED!  Are you kidding me.  I think my mind is part perimenopause and part ADD.  It is not easy to stay focused.  And since I am not brought up to speed with blackberries, i-pads, i-pods, i-touch, twitters,tweeters, my space and face book, I will have to carry around my pink paper journal try to remember to write all my notes down, long hand just to stay focused!

The wedding weekend doesn't even take into account the high school graduation and bon voyage party I will be planning for my two daughters!  I know I can do it...now I just want to enjoy it all.

The Wedding: One of the Upcoming Milestones

"Every mother hopes that her daughter will marry a man as good as she did-and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did". -Martin Anderson-Nexo

It's quite a busy summer and if I were to guess, I think I am going through three major events in a matter of three months.  Now don't get me wrong, as I have said before, I am so lucky to have the family and life I have.  But I was never good at crossing milestones, even when they are all good.  As a mom, these are all the things I wanted for my kids, but it is also what has brought me to the place I am today...pondering my future life.

My son will be getting married in July.  We are so lucky to have his fiance be part of our life.  She is wonderful and we couldn't be luckier.  And I adore her, because you know how sketchy those mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships can be.  I am trully blessed that her and I have the relationship that we have.  It was hard in the beginning for me.  You see I have one son.  I know how it is with a boy.  You are the first important woman in his life.  Then he found her and I knew I was dropped down to second place.  While they were dating I had two big reality checks.  The first was when we were all at a restaurant together getting to know each other.  I would always leave some food on my plate and my son would just lean over and finish what I had.  I always made it a point to leave something on my plate...whether I was still hungry or not.  Maybe it was my way of feeling like I was still taking care of him even as he got older.  But then, it happened...I did not even see it coming.  He started eating the leftovers off of HER plate and not MINE.  I shoved my plate a little closer to him, but now he did not even notice.  It was HER leftovers he wanted now!  Now on another occasion of being hit with the fact that things have changed was when my son needed to get a pair of glasses.  The three of us went together (I thought I was invited for my opinion, but would later come to find out it was because I was paying) to pick glasses out for him.  He had many pairs he was going to try on.  When he put the first on I was about to tell him what I thought (of course that he looked great in them) when suddenly he turned to her and asked for HER opinion and not mine.  I now realized I had to share HIM with another woman.  My voice was not the first for opinions or help he would go to.  This all might seem so innocent on the surface, and in the natural progression of life, this is how things should be.  But it was these little signs that reminded me I did not have him for much longer.  There was someone else stepping in.

Now, after saying all that, I am happy and proud for my son.  I am excited for his future he is building for himself.  He has turned into a handsome young man.  He graduated college, got a great job and is a very responsible, loving person who is beginning a nice life with his soon-to-be wife.  I am truly happy for him and do feel he is taking the values and morals we taught him into his adult life.  I know I am really not losing a son, but gaining a daughter-in-law.

It is just one of the milestones which is bringining me one step closer to my empty nest days.

Does Everyone Go Through This?

Do all moms go through this...or am I the only one?  Not only is it sad for me to think that my kids will be leaving, but it is frightening to think "What will I do now"!  I've never thought about me or what I would do. I didn't have to.  I was always wondering what the kids would do, their schooling, vacations, activities, even if they were happy.  Sure, my husband talks about traveling and having more time to read and spending more time together as a couple when the kids are gone, but what will I really do with my life? What will make me happy?  I don't know yet, and the unknown is what is so scary to me.  I was a stay-at-home mom and knew what my job was and didn't have to think about anything else.  Now, I would never change any of that for a moment...don't get me wrong...I love my life, it is just this new chapter that scares me.

I did start working 10 years ago at various part-time jobs that would accommodate my 9:00-3:00 schedule.  With each of those jobs, what was most important was not what I was doing, but the flexibility in my schedule they had to offer. Soon though, I will be able to think about a career that is right for me!  One that doesn't need to work around the school bus schedule.  I might even be able to go on vacation when it is not spring break.  How can that be so exciting and so scary all at the same time?  My emotions are all over the board.  Perimenopause might not help with that...but that is a whole other subject.

Beginning the Countdown

"Each of my kids was so different that none prepared me for the next.  Not only that, but I messed up in completely different ways with each of them!" -Anonymous

I always knew in the back of my mind, this day would come.  I just didn't think it would come so soon.  I mean,  for more than 23 years I have held the same job, at the same company, and it is coming to an end...I am being laid off and need to find a new job!  I really don't want to or for that matter even know what to do.  I was happy doing what I was doing.  I mean, there were days that it was mundane, I was lonley and I didn't feel appreciated.  But I still wasn't ready to be given the pink slip.

My job for the past 23 year has been mother to the three greatest kids there are!  They are 23, 22 and 17.  I never would of thought that they would all be leaving home at the same time.  I mean I had them spaced out enough to go through this change gradually.  I would get used to one leaving the nest but I would still have two more at home.  Then when I got used to that, the next one would leave and I would get used to that and so on.  Things don't always happen as you plan.

So here I am today.  Counting down the days until I become an empty nest mom!