Trying to Land the Helicopter

It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.  -Ann Landers

We had a terrible ice storm here.  There is still about a 6 inch layer of ice covering the street, sidewalks and grass.  There is no way to safely walk, so I picked up my youngest daughter (okay she is 17) from the bus stop since I didn't think she could walk home by herself with how slippery it was (okay, I knew she could, I was just worried).

Some people might of mentioned in the past 23 years or so that I am what you call a helicpoter mom.  I hover over my children making every decision for them and watching every move so they don't get hurt or make a mistake.  I didnt listen to anything thoses people said.  I was being a good mom.  I mean, I rescued them from situations when they needed it, I made a lot of their decisions for them so they wouldn't do the wrong thing and I helped them with their homework so they would do good...but in my defense, it was was only when they asked for help.

It finally hit me a few years ago that those questioning my helicopter way of parenting, including my husband, might of been right (again, my husband would love to know I think he might of been right).  I have been trying to step back and let them become the independant adults that I had tried to raise.  So maybe I didn't have to cut the crust off of their sandwiches or blow on their hot chocolate so they wouldn't burn their tongue.

Looking back I know I kept them underfoot for me.  The more I did for them, then the more I would be needed.  Now I know that really was selfish on my part.  I know that was not the best way to do things, but everything I did do was with the best intention.  I wanted them always to be happy and not have any problems or wrong decisions in their life.  I thought if I didn't let them out of my site, I could always protect them and they would always be safe. 

I know now, no matter how hard I try everything can't be perfect for them.  They need to make mistakes to learn from them.  And they need to have choices to make and sort it out for themselves.  I now know that is what will make them stronger and confident in themselves.  Thank goodness they had their dad in their life to balance the smothering way that I was

Sometimes I wish I could go back, as I am sure many moms do, and try and correct my mistakes I made with my kids.  But no matter what decisions I made, I made it with the best intentions and always with love.  And thank goodness they were strong enough as they got older to speak for themselves and stand up on their own two feet.

As two of them have become adults and the last almost there, I can see how they turned out.  Maybe I didn't do that bad.  And I have tried very hard to let go now so they can make their own choices and decisions. 

So as we know, we are always trying to improve on our mistakes we have made along the way.  I probably will always be a helicopter mom, but I will do it with the helicopter on the ground looking on and not hovering over.

I still will cut the crusts off their sandwiches though!