Empty Nest
noun
The stage in a family's cycle when the children have grown up and left home to begin their own adult lives.
-The American Heritage® New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy
I can't speak for all relationships, but I do think moms and dads both go through this empty nest thing.
I didn't think so at first. I mean, for years, I was the one worried about the day all the kids would be gone. What will I do, how will I handle things, How will I react, etc. My husband, on the other hand, talked about all our plans on traveling to Europe, Africa, longs weekends away, and the money he will save not paying for college, food and clothes. He also thought about all his free time he will have to do the things he always wanted to, reading more, naps in the afternoon, etc..
I have had many discussions with him about becoming an empty nester and how it is so much harder for me and all of the fears I have about it. Now don't get me wrong, he loves his kids and has been a great dad, but feels this is now our new life to enjoy together. Deep down I know he is right (boy would he love to know I admitted he was right with something). But I went through the physical pain of having the kids. I was always with them when they were home and I reminded him that when the kids leave, my job will be over. I will have to repurpse my life. When they all leave on Sunday, he will still go back to work on Monday, just as he always has.
And women's emotions are one giant up and down roller coaster. I have been pregnant three times, have had so many periods I can't count, lost weight, gained weight (also more times than I can count) and worried about everyone. I have cried at every good thing, bad thing and anything in between. I can't even watch a McDonald's commercial without a tear in my eye. My kids look at me like I am crazy...My husband looks at me like I am crazy and can't believe this isn't even the worst of it (I'm not in menopause yet). I blame it on my hormones. I also explained to my husband that his emotions have been pretty level throughout life. He might of gained weight and lost weight, worried about some things, but his emotions were always a pretty straight line. And anyway, men don't show their emotions, and they don't sit around with a beer talking about their "feelings." His life was pretty set with his job and family planned out. I have no plans!
With the realization that time is drawing closer to the kids being gone, he's been acting different. He made plans with our daughter to go away for the weekend alone to spend time with her before she leaves. He calls them more on his own. And something unexpected and surprising happend when our son (the first to leave) moved 3 hours away to start a job after college. We were excited for him, he had a great new job and place to live. It was hard, but we hugged him tight and left. I did not even cry on the way home (maybe because I had no tears left). When we got home, I looked over and my husband had a tear in his eye. I had never seen anything remotely close to a tear from him in our 29 years of marriage. I asked him what was going on and he was actually doing a "man cry" (not a sob like a woman). He said he was going to miss our son and it hit him that he was really gone. He looked in his bedroom and realized he was the first of three to leave for good. Now I had to give him the pep talk he had given me so many times when I was sad. I had to be the strong one now.
I do think dads go through the empty nest thing too. As is the difference with men and women on everything, we just show our emotions in different ways. So things are back to normal around here again for the moment, me still counting down the days until I am an empty nester and worrying and him counting down the days on that trip to Europe!
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