"By the time I realized my mother was right, I had a daughter who thought everything I did was wrong". -Anonymous
Can you have multiple emotions at the same time? And can they change from minute to minute. I think this is how my oldest daughter feels about me. She loves me one minute, and hates me the next. My guess is because we are so much alike that we are constantly butting heads...and we are so much alike that we have so much in common. High school was tumultuous but I thought it was just the teenage years. She went to college and I talked to her more than ever. We even saw each other a lot. I thought we were passed all the "stuff."
Two months before she graduated college, she met a boy. We were really excited and she seemed to be very happy. Now there are 20,000 students that went to her school. Mostly within a 250 mile radius. She happened to meet the one student who was more than 250 miles away...more like 2,500 miles away. And since he still had another year of college she was going to live at home, work, save money and just go back and forth to be with him. That is where the, "she hates me" comes in. She doesn't feel at 23 we should have any say about when she comes in or out. She's right. Only thing is she still lives with us. Well, she has assured me, much to my dismay, that she will be gone by the time she is 24. She is planning on moving to Arizona with her boyfriend. Oh and did I mention, that is right after my son gets married and moves with his wife and my other daughter will of left for college.
My only conciliation to all this is that hopefully, we will be back to the "she loves me" part of our relationship! But what can I say. I remember sitting in my parents kitchen in 1981 telling them I was moving from our house in Chicago all the way to Los Angeles to be with my boyfriend (who has now been by husband for 29 years). I never thought I would be on the other end of that conversation all these years later. I know she will be fine and she is a hard worker and really lights up when she talks about her boyfriend. I am just afraid her life will be set up in Arizona and this will not be her "home" anymore.
I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Stay Focused!
We just went last night to look at a restaurant we want to use for the rehearsal dinner for my son's wedding. We were limited on our choices because of the distance of the wedding and the various locations the wedding party will be coming from. We ate dinner at the restaurant, talked to the General Manager, looked at the event space and was really pleased with what we saw. We loved the ambiance, and the food was great. I was just skeptical in the beginning since it was a restaurant in a strip mall next to a McDonald's and pizza place. Well, at least when we walked in the restaurant it was so quaint that I forgot I was able to get a Big Mac next door.
So with that decision of where the rehersal dinner will be taken care of it got me thinking. With all the out-of-town guests coming in for the wedding, that means there are more meals than just the rehearsal dinner to take care of. More events to plan. Now I love entertaining, planning the menus, themes, food and even preparing the dishes. I think this is where I am going to have to learn to delegate and let go. I want to be able to live in the moment and enjoy it. I will not be able to "take care of everyone" like I usually do. I will have to have other people cook and get trays from the grocery store and have take-out brought in. This is all new to me. I don't want to spend all my time cooking and cleaning, but this is what I have always wanted to do for my family and friends. I hope I can find the balance I will need to enjoy everything. I just wish it was spread out more in a 3 month time frame and not 3 days.
Why is it when it rains it pours. I have not seem some of my family and friends for years. (The one good thing about that is it must mean there have been no funerals lately, since that is when people seem to get together). I will get to entertain, visit with friends, enjoy my family, witness my son getting married...all in 72 hours. Wow. That sounds exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. One other reason my emotions are all over the board, as I have mentioned in past blogs.
I read my horoscope today (I only believe in horoscopes when they pertain to me). It said "You have some big goals, and you will be able to achieve them only if you stay focused." STAY FOCUSED! Are you kidding me. I think my mind is part perimenopause and part ADD. It is not easy to stay focused. And since I am not brought up to speed with blackberries, i-pads, i-pods, i-touch, twitters,tweeters, my space and face book, I will have to carry around my pink paper journal try to remember to write all my notes down, long hand just to stay focused!
The wedding weekend doesn't even take into account the high school graduation and bon voyage party I will be planning for my two daughters! I know I can do it...now I just want to enjoy it all.
So with that decision of where the rehersal dinner will be taken care of it got me thinking. With all the out-of-town guests coming in for the wedding, that means there are more meals than just the rehearsal dinner to take care of. More events to plan. Now I love entertaining, planning the menus, themes, food and even preparing the dishes. I think this is where I am going to have to learn to delegate and let go. I want to be able to live in the moment and enjoy it. I will not be able to "take care of everyone" like I usually do. I will have to have other people cook and get trays from the grocery store and have take-out brought in. This is all new to me. I don't want to spend all my time cooking and cleaning, but this is what I have always wanted to do for my family and friends. I hope I can find the balance I will need to enjoy everything. I just wish it was spread out more in a 3 month time frame and not 3 days.
Why is it when it rains it pours. I have not seem some of my family and friends for years. (The one good thing about that is it must mean there have been no funerals lately, since that is when people seem to get together). I will get to entertain, visit with friends, enjoy my family, witness my son getting married...all in 72 hours. Wow. That sounds exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. One other reason my emotions are all over the board, as I have mentioned in past blogs.
I read my horoscope today (I only believe in horoscopes when they pertain to me). It said "You have some big goals, and you will be able to achieve them only if you stay focused." STAY FOCUSED! Are you kidding me. I think my mind is part perimenopause and part ADD. It is not easy to stay focused. And since I am not brought up to speed with blackberries, i-pads, i-pods, i-touch, twitters,tweeters, my space and face book, I will have to carry around my pink paper journal try to remember to write all my notes down, long hand just to stay focused!
The wedding weekend doesn't even take into account the high school graduation and bon voyage party I will be planning for my two daughters! I know I can do it...now I just want to enjoy it all.
Friday, January 28, 2011
The Wedding: One of the Upcoming Milestones
"Every mother hopes that her daughter will marry a man as good as she did-and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did". -Martin Anderson-Nexo
It's quite a busy summer and if I were to guess, I think I am going through three major events in a matter of three months. Now don't get me wrong, as I have said before, I am so lucky to have the family and life I have. But I was never good at crossing milestones, even when they are all good. As a mom, these are all the things I wanted for my kids, but it is also what has brought me to the place I am today...pondering my future life.
My son will be getting married in July. We are so lucky to have his fiance be part of our life. She is wonderful and we couldn't be luckier. And I adore her, because you know how sketchy those mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships can be. I am trully blessed that her and I have the relationship that we have. It was hard in the beginning for me. You see I have one son. I know how it is with a boy. You are the first important woman in his life. Then he found her and I knew I was dropped down to second place. While they were dating I had two big reality checks. The first was when we were all at a restaurant together getting to know each other. I would always leave some food on my plate and my son would just lean over and finish what I had. I always made it a point to leave something on my plate...whether I was still hungry or not. Maybe it was my way of feeling like I was still taking care of him even as he got older. But then, it happened...I did not even see it coming. He started eating the leftovers off of HER plate and not MINE. I shoved my plate a little closer to him, but now he did not even notice. It was HER leftovers he wanted now! Now on another occasion of being hit with the fact that things have changed was when my son needed to get a pair of glasses. The three of us went together (I thought I was invited for my opinion, but would later come to find out it was because I was paying) to pick glasses out for him. He had many pairs he was going to try on. When he put the first on I was about to tell him what I thought (of course that he looked great in them) when suddenly he turned to her and asked for HER opinion and not mine. I now realized I had to share HIM with another woman. My voice was not the first for opinions or help he would go to. This all might seem so innocent on the surface, and in the natural progression of life, this is how things should be. But it was these little signs that reminded me I did not have him for much longer. There was someone else stepping in.
Now, after saying all that, I am happy and proud for my son. I am excited for his future he is building for himself. He has turned into a handsome young man. He graduated college, got a great job and is a very responsible, loving person who is beginning a nice life with his soon-to-be wife. I am truly happy for him and do feel he is taking the values and morals we taught him into his adult life. I know I am really not losing a son, but gaining a daughter-in-law.
It is just one of the milestones which is bringining me one step closer to my empty nest days.
It's quite a busy summer and if I were to guess, I think I am going through three major events in a matter of three months. Now don't get me wrong, as I have said before, I am so lucky to have the family and life I have. But I was never good at crossing milestones, even when they are all good. As a mom, these are all the things I wanted for my kids, but it is also what has brought me to the place I am today...pondering my future life.
My son will be getting married in July. We are so lucky to have his fiance be part of our life. She is wonderful and we couldn't be luckier. And I adore her, because you know how sketchy those mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships can be. I am trully blessed that her and I have the relationship that we have. It was hard in the beginning for me. You see I have one son. I know how it is with a boy. You are the first important woman in his life. Then he found her and I knew I was dropped down to second place. While they were dating I had two big reality checks. The first was when we were all at a restaurant together getting to know each other. I would always leave some food on my plate and my son would just lean over and finish what I had. I always made it a point to leave something on my plate...whether I was still hungry or not. Maybe it was my way of feeling like I was still taking care of him even as he got older. But then, it happened...I did not even see it coming. He started eating the leftovers off of HER plate and not MINE. I shoved my plate a little closer to him, but now he did not even notice. It was HER leftovers he wanted now! Now on another occasion of being hit with the fact that things have changed was when my son needed to get a pair of glasses. The three of us went together (I thought I was invited for my opinion, but would later come to find out it was because I was paying) to pick glasses out for him. He had many pairs he was going to try on. When he put the first on I was about to tell him what I thought (of course that he looked great in them) when suddenly he turned to her and asked for HER opinion and not mine. I now realized I had to share HIM with another woman. My voice was not the first for opinions or help he would go to. This all might seem so innocent on the surface, and in the natural progression of life, this is how things should be. But it was these little signs that reminded me I did not have him for much longer. There was someone else stepping in.
Now, after saying all that, I am happy and proud for my son. I am excited for his future he is building for himself. He has turned into a handsome young man. He graduated college, got a great job and is a very responsible, loving person who is beginning a nice life with his soon-to-be wife. I am truly happy for him and do feel he is taking the values and morals we taught him into his adult life. I know I am really not losing a son, but gaining a daughter-in-law.
It is just one of the milestones which is bringining me one step closer to my empty nest days.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Does Everyone Go Through This?
Do all moms go through this...or am I the only one? Not only is it sad for me to think that my kids will be leaving, but it is frightening to think "What will I do now"! I've never thought about me or what I would do. I didn't have to. I was always wondering what the kids would do, their schooling, vacations, activities, even if they were happy. Sure, my husband talks about traveling and having more time to read and spending more time together as a couple when the kids are gone, but what will I really do with my life? What will make me happy? I don't know yet, and the unknown is what is so scary to me. I was a stay-at-home mom and knew what my job was and didn't have to think about anything else. Now, I would never change any of that for a moment...don't get me wrong...I love my life, it is just this new chapter that scares me.
I did start working 10 years ago at various part-time jobs that would accommodate my 9:00-3:00 schedule. With each of those jobs, what was most important was not what I was doing, but the flexibility in my schedule they had to offer. Soon though, I will be able to think about a career that is right for me! One that doesn't need to work around the school bus schedule. I might even be able to go on vacation when it is not spring break. How can that be so exciting and so scary all at the same time? My emotions are all over the board. Perimenopause might not help with that...but that is a whole other subject.
I did start working 10 years ago at various part-time jobs that would accommodate my 9:00-3:00 schedule. With each of those jobs, what was most important was not what I was doing, but the flexibility in my schedule they had to offer. Soon though, I will be able to think about a career that is right for me! One that doesn't need to work around the school bus schedule. I might even be able to go on vacation when it is not spring break. How can that be so exciting and so scary all at the same time? My emotions are all over the board. Perimenopause might not help with that...but that is a whole other subject.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Beginning the Countdown
"Each of my kids was so different that none prepared me for the next. Not only that, but I messed up in completely different ways with each of them!" -Anonymous
I always knew in the back of my mind, this day would come. I just didn't think it would come so soon. I mean, for more than 23 years I have held the same job, at the same company, and it is coming to an end...I am being laid off and need to find a new job! I really don't want to or for that matter even know what to do. I was happy doing what I was doing. I mean, there were days that it was mundane, I was lonley and I didn't feel appreciated. But I still wasn't ready to be given the pink slip.
My job for the past 23 year has been mother to the three greatest kids there are! They are 23, 22 and 17. I never would of thought that they would all be leaving home at the same time. I mean I had them spaced out enough to go through this change gradually. I would get used to one leaving the nest but I would still have two more at home. Then when I got used to that, the next one would leave and I would get used to that and so on. Things don't always happen as you plan.
So here I am today. Counting down the days until I become an empty nest mom!
I always knew in the back of my mind, this day would come. I just didn't think it would come so soon. I mean, for more than 23 years I have held the same job, at the same company, and it is coming to an end...I am being laid off and need to find a new job! I really don't want to or for that matter even know what to do. I was happy doing what I was doing. I mean, there were days that it was mundane, I was lonley and I didn't feel appreciated. But I still wasn't ready to be given the pink slip.
My job for the past 23 year has been mother to the three greatest kids there are! They are 23, 22 and 17. I never would of thought that they would all be leaving home at the same time. I mean I had them spaced out enough to go through this change gradually. I would get used to one leaving the nest but I would still have two more at home. Then when I got used to that, the next one would leave and I would get used to that and so on. Things don't always happen as you plan.
So here I am today. Counting down the days until I become an empty nest mom!
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