The Last Good Night Hug

This is the night before my youngest leaves for college.  I think I have been doing really well in handling everything.  I haven't cried as much as I thought I would, I have kept really busy, and my daughter has done a great job of being organized and getting everything ready so I haven't had to watch all her belongings being packed away in boxes and suitcases.  Her friends were spending the night and so it was really busy after work since I wanted to make grilled pizza with homemade crust and homemade peanut butter cookies.  I thought it was to make a really nice dinner.  As I have come to learn tonight being honest with myself, it was to keep myself very busy and act as if it was any other Tuesday night (okay, I usually don't make homemade pizza crust on Tuesday nights).  Face it, I have been in denial.  The reality was, in less than 12 hours she was leaving for college.  So what I thought was just a regular night after work making dinner and cleaning up was just a way to not think about tommorrow.  I think her friends spending the night was not only for my daughter, but for me.  It is a reminder of normal as I have known it for all these years, laughter, kids and food.  But then it happened, and I don't think either of us expected it.  It was really pretty innocent.  I just told my daughter I wanted to give her a hug before bed in case I don't see her since she and the girls were watching a movie.  So I gave her what I thought was a simple hug and then I lost it. Yes, and then she lost it...which made me lose it even more.  I felt guilty for a minute for making her cry. But I don't think I made her cry.   I think she might of been having the same feelings I have had and also trying to disguise them.  I think we were both trying to be strong for the other and our our real emotions finally came out.  I told her I was really happy for her and excited for the journey she was about to embark on.  But it was going to be different now.  I won't get that hug before bed again.  From now on our good nights will be through text,  an e-mail or if I figure it out...skype.  I know it will get easier and we will all get used to our "new" life, but now my heart is sad.  I will forever remember my last good night hug!

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray!  You'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away!  XOXO